Is it too late?

This whole hijab and education controversy has raked up some ugly memories.

I grew up in a neighbourhood where Hindus, Muslims, Parsees, Christians all lived in close proximity. There were tribal settlements, buffaloes and cows right outside our window. There was abject poverty and slums on another side. There were 4 good schools within walking distance from my house. I went to an all girls mission school, The Convent of Jesus and Mary. On that day in my 9th grade (1987-88, the build up to babrimasjid) in the middle of our sanskrit class (i think) a group of women barged into our class. They started shouting at our teacher to leave the class and then started coming row by row to ask our names and religion. As we did, they picked the ones who were supposed to wear bangdi-chandla (bangles and bindis). There was shocked silence in the classroom, slowly turning into sounds of discomfort. I remember the heat of fear in my upper body and a sharp shooting pain of anger in head. I saw a woman take out one sticker bindi and put it on my forehead. I removed it promptly. Another one pulled my hand and started forcing a bangle on to it (I have tough hands, so she couldn't slide them up easily). In the midst of that tussle I got and up and started protesting. I know some other girls were also doing the same. I was shouting but inside I was scared and trembling.  Two women were pulling me down to sit down. Some of those women were abusive and some were trying to reason why we should be wearing it. "It is your religion, these schools are making your forget your religion." I was now furious and screaming. I was a tough teen. I used to get into trouble with the nuns for non compliance at many levels. So, no I was not brainwashed into forgetting my religion. I don't think any of us were. I pushed my self out of the classroom and went down to the principal's office ( I used to be there quite often though for different reasons). I saw the principal held hostage by another bunch of ladies. There was press outside her office. They started asking me about how I felt. I told them what I thought. I did not want to wear bangdi and chandla (bangles and bindis) and that they have no right to force me to wear that. I am sure I spewed a lot of anger. After a while the principal came out and she was very encouraging and proud of me which was very unlike my past record with her). This angered me too (now you are proud of me?).

I went home angry and upset. I was not a teen who could take suggestions, let alone be forced to do something and that too something that upset my sense of style!! Wearing bindi and bangles over a pinafore??? Trust me in the 80's that would have been an unredeemable fashion faux passe and i was having non of it.

Next day I was in two gujarati newspapers with my black and white face on it. One english newspaper without my face. 

We had a neighbour who was a professor at M.S.University, Baroda. She was an independent strong woman, living by herself with her daughter. She had recently started working with a political party. She came over to meet my mom and asked me to leave the room. She had a long chat with my mother. I knew it was about me, so I later asked my mom what it was. Mom brushed it off and said, "nothing, she just said don't go out alone for a few days". I didn't think much of it then, but today I know that was a threat. Those were simpler times and parents didn't worry too much about the life and death of children and hence my life remained normal. If this had happened today....

There was another episode two years later when the principal of the school walked into our moral science class and made fun of Gauri vrat (a fast that a lot of gujarati girls did. I did it too. It was fun). She polarised the class into gujaratis and non gujaratis, hindus and non hindus. I remember getting really upset and fighting with her and then addressing the class and saying "she wants to make us fight". She asked me to come down to her office and told me she will rusticate me. To my surprise my whole class supported me and had come down to the office, this made the principal want to definitely rusticate me. Later my parents would have to really plead and  request her to not do that.  I am writing this is to  make it clear that I did not side with people. I sided with what I felt was right.  I think I still do that. It doesnt make me a good ally, and so be it. But that is where my fear lies... that today if you have a voice that does not side with one kind of argument your are not allowed to speak and you will not be heard.  

I did these things in my teens, I wasn't brave, I just wasn't scared. Yes there is a difference. In the last 30 odd years I have chosen to speak less. (A conerned family member had advised me to not invite trouble as life will throw many my way anyway which it did.) As absolute madness unfolded around me I quietly converted my angst into a chronic back pain. 

However, with what is happening in Karnataka I feel I can't stay silent.  Isn't it bad enough, that we are promising the world to young minds with an education system that is defunct, that now we  bring in dress codes, religious jingoism and connect that to education?  The colleges are trying to drive in the value of a uniform dress code; the same uniform that seemed to be the problem with  the mission schools back in the 80s.  As far as the girls in the hijab are concerned, I think it is stupid that we encourage those girls to fight for that education. They should rather join an online college program like IGNOU and work in their free time. That way they will have a certificate and learn to fend for themselves (something that our education system doesn't teach us). They don't need to demand freedom of choice or education, both are theirs to begin with. All we need to do is enlighten them on ways to exercise it. Fighting is just one way and actually the most pointless one. What have they got in return?segregation? and bullying?. Let us encourage them to drop out and demand a refund. Let the colleges run out of students and consequently funds. 

I am all for freedom of choice in terms of how you dress and how you connect it to your belief. However lets not forget that all religions seem to put way more "shoulds" on women's clothing than on men, be it bangdi- chandla or hijab.  And hence when we take sides we are really not helping the situation. We are just playing the game as set up by these scumbag politicians and manipulative religious heads. Just like the hindu boys and girls are wearing saffron at the behest of religious and political heads, I am pretty sure that the muslim clerics are supporting those women to stick to their stand to wear hijab and telling them that only if they wear the hijab will they be able to identify with their religion and have their support.  And to stoke that fire of polarity, here we are  busying  ourselves in tweeting and posting and garnering likes to validate our thoughts rather than really thinking about what is going on here. We are actually giving away our freedom as freethinking individuals and women by buying into this narrative. 

Two years ago during the first phase of the pandemic as I was walking on an empty street near my house an elderly disgruntled man asked me what I was doing.  I was walking and taking pics of wild flowers, which I explained. He however started accusing me of doing illegal things, told me I was a shame on this state (karnataka) and country and that I should go back to where I came from ( I don't know what he meant, maybe something like Simon go back). He accused me of being a drug addict and that it was evident from the way I dressed and spoke that I knew nothing about my culture. He asked me to not come near that place and if I did he will call the police. I was shaken to the core but surprisingly not shocked. This assault on me was not new. It is an inherent bias that people have for the way I look, I don't wear any signs of woman hood, I have short hair, I mostly wear pants, I don't have a kind and gentle face (genetic disposition) I am also not easily scared. This combination does not go well with Indian men ( and patriarchal women), and I have dealt with it very often. What was however scary is that the man spoke from a mental space of collective truth. He believed that what he thought was not just his personal belief but what the whole country will stand with him for and the police will side with him. That he had the audacity to do this to a 48 year old educated woman, who could very well have taken action against him, just goes to show what he could have done to someone who was less able with less resources.

Today seeing that girl in PES college walking to college with a crowd of students shouting "jai shri ram" behind her and hounding her,  made me shiver with a fear which I know well due to episodes like the ones mentioned above and one that I don't want to face neither do I want our children to face it.  Unfortunately I feel it is too late. This is going to be our culture, our future. We are going to be policed for what we wear, what we do and what we say. We the privileged class may have a little more time but the shit will hit the ceiling sooner or later.  What was shown in that video was a woman in hijab walking away bravely from a group of hoodlums in saffron scarves. What I saw was  a woman being hounded by bunch of hoodlums. What I saw is that a majoritarian thought is bullying a minority thought (and i don't mean a religious minority, just a person who disagrees with the rest).  What was shown was a woman shouting "allah u akbar" and those behind her shouting "jai shree ram". What I saw is that these young minds are devoid of thoughts and identity beyond their religion and feel that the only way to have a voice is through their religion. By taking sides. The last point is the scariest. The one which scares me the most. A religion that controls you will be controlled by people who want to control you. Being an ally to a thought or group may seem like security but will become our biggest insecurity. 

As I end, I request those amongst us who are able to see beyond this polarisation to avoid taking sides and to try and question the premise of these problems. Let us do what we can to save ourselves and our children. I think it is already too late